Kiasi aka Kiasi-ism

Thursday, December 29, 2005

How To Escape From Rapist?

Girls!! How to escape from rapist?

Just tell the rapist(s), "I got AIDS and period."

:P

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

My Driving Lesson Is Cool!!!

I attended the 2 hours driving license yesterday. OK, it was my first time, and as you know, always die engine. I farking hate to step the clutch pedal, and I waished that I could pluck the whole pedal out.

Today was alright. Not much die engine. I drove al the way, from Kajang to Batu Sembilan there. Drove up hill, drove down hill. All by myself. No die engine. I can't imagine it *victory dance*.

Reverse parking was alright. Did more than 10 times. Spent 2 hours just on driving. Didn't langgar tiang, except once. It's not my fault! But the teacher's fault!!! I had well-calculated the distance when to brake. But the teacher kept calling me to reverse, reverse, reverse. And then, out of nowhere, the Kancil downed 2 tiangs. What a moron. Others are pretty well parked. I think I'm a genius in parking, but I don't like driving.

On the way back, die engine twice. Never mind. It's normal for Kancil to die engine. The teacher ordered me to drive to the petrol kiosk and taught me how to pump petrol. Wow, my driving teacher is cool!!! I bet not many teacher will provide this teaching lesson.

Actually hor, I don't know why Malaysian drivers like that one. When I drove up hill and down hill, the line on the road is double and not broken-line. But those drivers still overtook me. Lorry also the same. Where can like that?

Monday, December 26, 2005

Is Smiling A Sin?

I was on my way back from Malacca to KL yesterday.

On my way back, in the car, Charles called me up:

Charles : "Wei, where are you now?"

Me : "I'm on my way back home. Mud Chad?"

Charles : "Call me when you've reached home."

Me : "OK. Anything?"

Charles : *hung up the phone*

I suspected he wants to call me out for a cup of drink. So, I tried my best to reach home as fast as possible.

When I'm about to reach home, just a 3 minutes drive from my house, I called up Charles twice, which ended up as unanswered calls.

I reached home at about 8.50 p.m. and I saw my opposite neighbour (which is my ex-classmate, H) is having a party. I pretended nothing, and packed my belongings into my house:

Mom : "Hey, they are having a party opposite there. Are you gonna join your classmates?"

Me : "See first lah. If they call, I just show my face loh."

Mom : "I see."

I went opposite. No one invited me in. It was nothing to me. So, I called Charles out of H's house. Next, Charles pulled me to a nearby junction, whereby Michael also followed up.

Charles : "Aiyah, just now sorry lah. When you called me just now, I hung up your phone."

Me : "Oh... it's ok."

Charles : "Just now when I reached here, I didn't see anyone is in the house. So, I thought of calling you to come over (to H's house)."

Me : "OK. Then you called me?"

Charles : "Then I called you. But H's mom came towards me, and scolded me."

Me : *dumbfounded* "Why?"

Charles : "She called me not to invite you o'er. She said you are crazy."

Michael : "Yaloh. If my mother is like her hor, I'm gonna chase her out of my house."

Charles : "Sorry. I gotta go back to her house now. I've paid for the party. I'll call you out when I've finished eating."

Me : "OK."

Michael : "What time do you usually sleep?"

Me : "2. My door will is opening anytime."

I went back later on.

After the party, Charles, Michael and me went out for a drink.

Apparently he told everything to us. 9 of our classmates, wanted to invite me over to the party. So, everybody suggested Charles to call me. After he called me, H's mon came and scolded him. H's mom said my whole family members are crazy, because we smiled at them once, and so, she concluded my family as a "crazy family". Charles was stunned and very angry at that moment. Everyone was looking at him being scolded by H's mother.

I've never see such an inane, insane, lame, pervert, moron, and what-else (?) mother. Smiling is a sin?


"You tidak suka, you keluar dari Malaysia!", by MP for Jerai, Kedah, Dato' Paduka Haji Badruddin bin Amiruldin.

Friday, December 23, 2005

I Hate My School!!!!!

I went to my school this morning (just now) to get some "certified-particulars". No one was ready to welcome me. PKHEM (Penolong Kanan) is on-leave, as well as others. Only the Pengetua, a clerk and some low-post teachers. I had stood at the counter and waited there for 10 minutes.

Later, a mother and her son walked in the office by the door and asked some questions. I saw 2 men walked out from the Pengetua's office. After the son-and-mom couple leaved the office, the clerk headed to me and asked what I want. I told them I just need my "Sijil Berhenti Sekolah" to be certified. And she said the Pengetua is busying with some outsiders. She also told me that I've to wait until 3 o'clock, or else, next week.

I need to get my form ready as I need to submit to the college. I don't want to stay at the house to "berkulat". I miss my studies.

I wish that I could become a crony.

Daniel's P0rn???

One day, at my friend's house...

Friend's 9-year-old sister : "Hensem Kor~~~, you want to see Daniel's neked pictures or not?" *in a cute way*

Me : "Who Daniel? Radcliffe? Or the Malaysian Idol one?"

Friend's 9-year-old sister : "Daniel the Hairy Potter."

Me : "Oh... Why want me to see?"

Friend's 9-year-old sister : "Come and see with me lah. Neked one."

Me : "Oh?" *flabbergasted* "Whole neked?"

Friend's 9-year-old sister : "Yes. Can see his kkc also."

Me : "Mien Gott Im Himmel."

Friend's 9-year-old sister : "Want to see anot?"

Me : "Is he hairy?"

Friend's 9-year-old sister : "Nope. No bulu at that part."

Me : "Then dowan lah."

Friend's 9-year-old sister : "Why dowan?"

Me : "No thanks. I got my own mirror to look at."


Kids are growing too fast!!!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Christmas Meme

5xMom tagged me again.

State who tagged you;
- List who you want your Santa Claus to be (the bearer of the gift);
- State the gift you wish to get;
- Then invite a few friends to join the tag, and inform them by dropping a comment in their blog.

Who I want my Santa Claus to be?
Su Zen!! Belanja me GayFC when you are back in Malaysia!!!

The gift I wish to get?
- Su Zen's GayFC!!!
- Good results in SPM
- Can cope up in accounting
- More and more tuition students!
- More money!
- Single!

Who I want to tag?
- Su Zen (I will still tag Su Zen) I will replace this tag to another blogger, if you treat me. Muahaha!!!
- Young Brat
- Pikey Dude

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Do You KNow Why So Many People Cry During The "King Kong" Movie?

I was sitting in a "CD, VCD, and DVD" shop. People walked in and out. 10 out of 10 were ordering the "King Kong" movie.

This reminds me of what my cousin told me. He told me that when he is watching the "King Kong" movie with his friend, there are people who is crying at the end of the show, where the King Kong starts to fall down from the Empire State Building.

They cried. Are they too emotional? Or are they just being foolish? Now, let me tell you the truth. If you noticed, in every movie, the tactics are still the same. The director purposely slow-motioned at a certain part, and this cause people to cry on the spot.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

I'm Currently Blogging From Mentakab

I'm currently blogging from Mentakab. I just arrived here.

The Karak Highway was jammed just now, and I suspect will be jammed forever. Reason: 1) Stupid road rangers didn't dontrol the traffic.
2) Stupid highway only got 2 lanes.
3) Stupid highway owner building 5 stretches along the highway, and drivers have to squeeze from 3 lanes to 1 lane.
4) Stupid drivers don't know how to drive, caused accidents.
5) Stupid drivers want to keh-poh for the accidents and caused jam.

3 hours from KL to Mentakab.

There is a Petronas Kiosk 3km before the Karak Toll. Oh... Mien Gott Im Himmel. I went for the toilet, and you know what? More than 60 girls are queueing for the girl's toilet. The queue streches about 30 metres long. Boys? Not so long. About 5 boys are infront of me when I want to enter the toilet. The toilet has 6 cubicles, and this will also caused jam.

This is Kiasi, currently blogging from Mentakab, is signing off. Hopefully won't strike lottery this time.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Wang Xue Jing at TARC also?

At first, I don't quite believe TARC has many bloggers around. And so, I google for it: "TARC + blog". I stumbled upon one of Kenny Sia's post.

Go look for the second comment.

I heard that Wang Xue Jing is currently studying in TARC (Tunku Abdul Rahman College) ler. She is like 1-2 years younger than me, born in 1985 or 1986, I think. I never like them too. At this age, they can't sing pop songs or love songs, neither they are suitable to sings children songs or nursery rhymes. So, their album sucks as they consisted of capalang english songs or some recomposed tunes. :)

Hmm, I agree with all your points. No doubt! Had a good laugh!

Commented by: Jason at April 8, 2005 11:20 PM


And so, I asked Jason:

[23:29] Alphonso Tan: eh
[23:29] Alphonso Tan: I wanna go to TARC
[23:29] Jason: yeap
[23:29] Jason: good luck
[23:29] Jason: hahahah
[23:29] Alphonso Tan: you think I can pikat get Wang Xue Jing anot ah?
[23:29] Jason: all the best
[23:29] Alphonso Tan: :P
[23:29] Jason: Shes fat and ugly lah
[23:29] Alphonso Tan: how you know?
[23:30] Jason: u never see her b4 meh?
[23:30] Jason: duh~
[23:30] Alphonso Tan: no wor
[23:30] Jason: not fat lah
[23:30] Jason: chubby
[23:30] Jason: so young age aldy go slimming center.. tsk tsk tsk
[23:30] Alphonso Tan: ic
[23:30] Alphonso Tan: what course ah?
[23:30] Jason: dunno
[23:31] Alphonso Tan: nvm
[23:31] Jason: :D
[23:32] Alphonso Tan: lemme snap her picture lah
[23:32] Alphonso Tan: if I see her
[23:32] Jason: i not xi1 han3

You think I can anot?

*run away fast fast*

Why I Choose Accounting

Basically there are 2 options in my mind: accounting and engineering. I went to the TARC receptionists and aksed some stupid quesitons.

I went to the "Accountancy and Business Studies" department, and I only see girls at there.

I went to the "Engineering Building Technology Apparel Manufacturing" department:

Me : Can I ask a question?
Receptionist : Yes, you may.
Me : Is most of the engeering students are boys?
Receptionist : *LOL* Yes. And that's normal lah.
Me : *LOL* Why ah?
Receptionist : Because boys are usually good in Physics and Maths.
Me : I see.
Receptionist : Usually there are 100 students in a class and not more than 10 girls in it.
Me : Wow!
Receptionist : There's once when my students complained to me and said that there's only 2 girls in their class.
Me : *LOL*
Receptionist : But there's once where there are many girls in my class.
Me : Owh...
Receptionist : And the girls cover 10% of the students in the class.
Me *aghast* A.....and you called that "many"?
Receptionist : Yeah.
Me : *@#@$#%@$#%@$%#*

And that's why.

My visit to TARC

TARC was having its open day today at Starbuck Setapak. I went there. And I asked lots of questions. Mostly are "stupid questions". Never mind. Here are a few:

Receptionist : We have 2 canteens and 1 cafeteria in our college.
Me : All halal ah?
Receptionist : *LOL* All the stalls are operated by Chinese, but only one by Malay.

Tour Guide : See here *point point*, the rock chairs and tables? This is our park.
Me : I thought supposed to be sating spot?
Tour Guide : *LOL* Can say so lah

*will add if I remember any*

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Yumcha Session

I was having a yumcha session together with Icestryder and Ian 2 days ago...

Me : "I wanna be an accountant!"

Ian : "I wanna be an engineer!"

Ice : "I wanna be a lawyer! The 6 o'clock TV3 drama which talks about the lawyer... aiyoo.... the costumes are so gaya, man."

Me : "Yeah, very gaya. But as usual lah, HK dramas usually talk about proffesions one. Got police lah, lawyer lah, firefighter lah, dcotor lah, engineer lah, this lah, that lah, but I didn't see them show the proffesion of an accountant." *sigh*

Ice & Ian : *LOL*

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The non-gentlements and the gentlement

I attended the driving course just now.
Let me explain the plan:
Red colour - Seats which were fully occupied
Cyan colour - The place where I sat
Yellow colour - Lecturer's table
Other colours - Will explained later
The lectur hall is fully occupied. It was our tea-break during 2.30 p.m. We were given a 30-minute recess and were ordered to return in time, and sit back our own seat.
2.57 p.m. 3 minutes to 3. 2 unknown guys entered the hall. They hadn't attend the previous lesson before the tea-break, and they just sat on 2 empty seats (which was coloured as green). The seats were actually occupied by 2 girls, and both of the girls weren't return yet. As we know, girls usually take quite a long time to eat, to pee-pee, to wash hands, et al...
1 minute had passed. Both of the girl came in. They found out that they "original" seats were being occupied by 2 unknowns. They argued with the 2 boys and the the girl lost in the arguement. They were very angry. The lecturer ordered us to sit back our own seats, and yet, nothing happened. In a no-choice situation, one of the girl sat at the corner edge of the hall, and the another girl stood at the blue-colour spot. All the people were discussing about the "ungentlement" of the both guys. They are totally absurd, and disgusting.
A boy, who is around my age, was sitting at the grey-colour spot at that particular moment. He looked back towards the poor, standing girl who was still stnaind at the blue spot. He gave a sign-language to the girl and trying to tell her to sit at his place. He stood up and offered a place for the girl. The girl walked to the place, sat at his place (grey-colour spot) and thanked him. He replied with a smile, and walked to the blue-colour spot with the arrow shows. And, he stood there straight, as if he was marching. We were flabbergastered, and at last, we burst into laughter. He stood blushly.
The lecturer asked him why he was standing, which he replied, "Saya takde tempat duduk (I don't have a seat)." The teacher then pulled in a computer chair from outside of the lectur hall to the purple-colour spot and called him to have his seat at there.
The situation lasted for another hour. In the mean time, I was sleeping later on. But after the class, he walked towards to girl (not the girl walked towards him), and he shook and greeted the girl. I was sitting behind and we gave him an applause for his "gentlement"ness.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Brainstorming session

I was having a brainstorming session last night. For the whole 7 hours, I'd been asking around what course whould I take, and which college should I enrol.

Basically, I scored 6 A1s (History, Maths, Add Maths, BM, English and EST) , 3 A2s (Chemistry, Physic and Moral) and 1 B3 (Biology) in my SPM trial. I would say that I'm good in figures, calculating, and understanding concepts.

Upon the brainstorming session, some had advised me whether should I take accounting or not:

Gahyoong : "Good. Accounting is good. The market is demanding. Great choice."

Ian : "It is up to you. You can take accounting, if you are interested. But I do think that you can be part of science, such as physics. So basiaclly you have choices, either to be an engineer or accountant. Both also can promise a good future."

5xMom : "Good. Bright future. Goyang kaki. The higher rank, the easier."

Carryn : "Engineer. High paid."

Su Zen : "Accounting! Very easy one!"

A pervert : "Accounting brings u no where but end up as farker." *puketh*


Basically, I think accountant has more chances to get a job than engineer. In terms of environment, can see more girls around. An electronic company might need acountants, but an accounting firm might not need engineers.

Now, which college to enrol?

Julliana : Taylors!

Mun Kit : Sunway! Sunway is much better!

Gahyoong : According to here, better Sunway of TARC loh, if you want to take ACCA.

Jason : Sunway, if you can afford the fees, kiasuness, rich people showing off et al. But I advice you go MMU. Since you are in KL, don't join KL's MMU. Come to Malacca MMU!

A pervert : "HELP Institute! Come! I'm going to study at HELP! Last time Wong Choon Hann also studied at HELP!"

Basically, many of my friends are entering Taylors, but they are taking different courses with me. One of my friends is entering Sunway and he chooses accounting also. I know nuts about accounting, but I think I will go for it.


Come on! Dear bloggers yang berpengalaman! What course chould I take? Which college should I enrol?

Friday, December 09, 2005

Wutudo?

It is only a week after SPM. And I seem to be so bored. Stories after stories. Novels after novels. And blogs after blogs.

I realized how the housewives outside there feel. I understand their feeling.

There are curently 2 story-plots in my mind:

Digital Fortress by Dan Brown - I read it only when I'm online.
The Client by John Grisham - I read it only when I'm offline.

So, it is quite challenging and confusing.

But, when I'm tired of reading, wutudo?

Food Meme

5xMom tagged me.

Name five foods from your childhood that you missed. Link the five blogs that were tagged, including yours. Pass the meme to another three person.

5 foods from my childhood that I missed:

1) Ais Batang

I remembered while the school bus is stopping at another school and waiting for the other students from that school, there's an old-lady (not quite old lah, but about 50s like that) would vendor ice batang. The ice batang is wrapped with a plastic tube with both ends knotted, and is filled with all sorts of liquids in it. There are various type of flavours. Purple is grape flavour, black is Coke flavour, white is lychee flavour and et al. One stick is sold for 20 sen. So, it is still cheap for me to get one everyday. As usual, no picture in my blog.

2) Chocolate Teddy Biscuits

I just ate one pack. Picture can be found at here, code number 53681. You all know lah, children mah, sure like that one. They usually like cartoon pictures.

3) 无花果 Mo Fa Goh (fruit without flower)

No picture, because I couldn't google for it. We use to call it "giam giam" (salty salty) as an abbreviation. Short, double-same-character, and yet, easy to remember. I had an accident about this during last time. I almost forgot about the incident. Nothing went into my mind about this. But my father told me once, when I was small, before kindergarten, I was holding the mo fa goh cylinder tube and was running hither and thither. The cylinder tube is made of some sort of plastic. And then, I fell down and broke the cylinder tube into pieces. Some of the pieces cut through my eyebrow. My father also told me that I didn't cry. So, I was brought to the clinic, detached the broken pieces and sewed back the wound. I couldn't see the would, nor I can't feel it no matter how I try my best to feel it. Maybe it has gone. We didn't sue the mo fa goh company. Don't worry.

4) Infant cereal porridge

The last time I ate this was at Standard 3. My aunt moved into my house, as the Malaysia economy was very bad at that moment. She had a baby at that time. So, she used to feed her with the "Infact Cereal Porridge". And also she offered me some. It is quite nice. She also took some of it. I want some, but I think it is quite foolish for me to have it right now. My aunt later moved into a big house. And later divorced her husband as he got fired by his company. He left 3 kids behind him. Quite pathetic. I'll try to describe the situation later on, if there's a chance for me.

5) Kacang kuda hijau tanah putih kuning goreng rebus

You know, it is damn stupid to remember their names. There are all sorts of kacang out side there, and you are require to tell them their exact names. No kuda, and they name it kuda. What a moron. Nevermind, come back to the topic. I used to eat it last time. There's usually one rule to eat something. Skins do actually taste nicer. The best taste for roasted chicken is the skin. The best taste of the mooncake is at the skin also. And I think this applies to the kacang as well. Especially the rebus one. First, put the whole nut into the mouth, and wet it with saliva, and then slowly peel the nut with the teeth. After finish peeling of the skin, then only eat the nut. I think it is an enjoyment, but it takes long time. I couldn't have this now, as my allergy will coming back during the next day. So stupid.

Five blogs that were tagged (easy only mah, just copy from here lah):

Traveler’s Lunchbox

Oswego tea

Masak-Masak

Babe in the City

Samm

Pass this meme to another three person:

1) Ian (A new blogger. Should encourage him to write more stuffs)
2) Pikey Dude (Act of God lah)
3) Loc Kee (Long time no see you online already)

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

License

Charles just passed his driving test. So he fetched me out for lunch.

The way back home, a traffic light stopped 3 cars in front us.

Charles : *braked* "The car driver in front us must be just got his driving license. See his car? So big gap between his car and the second car in front."

Me : "I notice."

Charles : "See lah, afterwards. Sure die engine one when his car move."

Me : "I see."

Traffic light : *turned green*

Car in front us : *moved smoothly*

Me : *LOL*

Charles : *change gear* released brake* *stepped pedal*

Car : *die engine*

Me : *LMAO*

Charles : "WTF!" *restarted engine*

Car : *started to accelerate*

Traffic light : *turned yellow, and next, green*

Charles : "KNNMCB!" * braked*

Car : "Stopped before the line*

Me : *RITCLMAO*

Why blog?

Once, a friend told me once, "If you want to be famous, go strip yourself naked, and run along this road. And the next day, the front page of newspaper will be yours."

I was very angry, and I started a blog.

And people started to asked me, "Why do you blog? You blog for who? For yourself, or the readers." Not only I was asked, but the others as well.

And I answered them, "If one stone can kill more than one bird, why not?"

I have gained lots of things from my blogs. Friends, jokes, funs, laughters, experience, theories in life. I blog, not just for myself. If not, why must I exposed to the others about my blog, correct? I just want to express that, I enjoy blogging very much.

Cheers...

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Want to get a girlfriend?

I want to work and earn my own money after SPM.

My mother warned me once, I can only get a girlfriend only if I earn my own pocket money.

That's why as we can see, women spend money like water, whilst men earn money like fire.

Coins

I went to a stall to "tarpou" buffet aka "chapfan".

The price was RM2.60. and I gave her RM3.10, thinking that she will return me a 50 cent coin, and she told me, "Is RM2.60, not RM3.10."

Why is Mathematic so hard to be understood?

MSN Talk Cocks

I haven't been blogging "properly" for nearly 2 months. I know my blogging standard will drop. Whether a nosedive drop or a slightly drop, it is still a drop. But heck, who cares whether I got drop or not?

OK, just after the "Merdeka Declaration", I think many people are interested in me for MSN. So, there was a girl who invited me to a chatting room to chat. At first I was totally aghast. Before this I had only encountered 7 people in a room. But this time, it was too much. 44 people was too much. I didn't pay much attention on them, as "you know,I know, everybody knows", most people who join IM on the net are mostly "talking cocks". Example, "I Love you, Honey!" or "You are my laupuoh." And those who normally type those words are MOSTLY girls. (*Note: I'm not attacking girls. I did mention MOSTLY.)

How can you squeeze in a 44-people room, and inside is fulled of lesbians and couples? I don't know.

Oh, ya... One thing I hate MSN. The emoticons. ALthough I know how to disable it, I'm too lazy to do that. MOSTLY girls (*Note: I'm not attacking girls. I did mention MOSTLY) will collect those emoticons and type it all out. How the heck I want to read? Suddenly here comes a chinese character, and then there comes a picture. No brain ah, chatter? So, I got no choice, I prefer my trustable "Trillian". Trillian is the best!!!

Heck! Suddenly I hate IM so much, because of much talking cocks. Nothing to talk already izzit?